My uncles Funeral on Saturday was absolutely beautiful I never knew he has accomplished too many things and had done so much for so many people. My uncle was a social worker and did allot for his church. It was just wonderful. I’m feeling better about the fact that he has passed and know he lived a good life....

 On to another topic things with my ex boyfriend are going well. We have been talking and we decided that we were going to be friends, because when we were together that’s what we promised we would do no matter what. We are supposed to see each other this week. We are both a little nervous about it though, he admitted to no knowing how he was going to greet me if he was going to shake my hand or what. lol I told him that the least he can do is hug me. He admitted to missing me allot and constantly thinking about me, he apologized for being a dick and for bringing up the threesome idea which he claimed was a joke. (Raising an eyebrow). He called yesterday and we talked for a while it was a good progressive conversation for our new friendship; at the end when we both had to go he didn’t fail to tell me he loved me. I am not sure if he was consciously saying it or if it was a reflex from when we were still together. There is chance we might get back together but he really has to prove himself to me for me to say yes so being friends is a good way to prove that to me.

On the other hand if my ex-boyfriend decides that he does not want to change his ways there is someone else I have my eyes on , he is a delicious 6'4 man who is a good friend of my family ( he is my mothers oldest friends son) who I saw again for the first time in years . We sat and talked and he is everything I want physically but I have yet to find out more about him. Did I also mention that he is eight years my senior..... He is 28 and I am 19. O well age is just a number and I am almost 20 years old any ways.

    I am starting to feel better now that the week in coming to a close. There was alot to deal with and I am happy that things are niw starting to subside. My uncles wake is today and the funeral is tommorow , things with my boyfriend are also starting to look up as well. I am taking today to just relax and find myself again. Not a bad thing for anyone to do , I highly sudjest it.!!

    So this week in turning into hell.... My uncle died on Monday and my boyfriend and I broke up lastnight. I keep trying to pretend to be happy like nothing is wrong because its what I always do but this time its not working. !! The smily face wont stick this time , I'm falling appart on the inside and everyone is going to be able to see it this time. Im trying to hold it together but its falling appart quicker than I can pick up the pieces.

    Alright so about a month and a half to two months ago I decided that I am going to go to culinary art school in Cali! San Francisco to be exact. I am truly excited and cant wate to go. Remember when I mentioned in an earlier blog that my boyfriend was going to art school in cali also (San Francisco to be exact) , well it turns out that our school are are less than a 5 minute drive away.! Kind of exciting ! Its the plus side to my buys day , finding that out and all. There is so much that I am looking forward to from school. From Wisconsin to California is a big change but im willing to make that change for my future , cooking is something i love to do and i feel that i express myself well through it.  The fact that my bf will be in the same city is a plus but it isnt what this whole thing really is about. Because weather he ends up going or not I am still going , even if it does mean leaving him behind.

   Today I had my first encounter with death. I went to visit my dying uncle today since he has only a few more days left to live. I expected him to look terible but when I got to his house there was something I didnt expect. My father , my sister and I arrived at the house we were greeted by everyone and told to go into his room and see him. We walked in and my uncle was skin and bones and every trace of joyfull life had left him , he sat there in his bed awake but didnt not respond to our arrival. He was in a compleatly diffrent world. Death was creeping in rapidly. My mother went to see him on wednesday and told me he was fully aware of her being there and was talking to her and hugged her. The fact that a few days made such a big diffrence in him shook me. Death was creeping in at his feet literaly. His feet were hardening up and his hands were cold. My father said a group prayer for him and I couldnt help but to come to tears at the thought of my uncle slowly dying before my eyes and being in the same room with progressing death.

nbsp;  It is not even half way through the year 2008 and alot is happening already. My step-grandfather and his step son (my uncle) are both dying of cancer and it is garonteed that neither of them will make it to see 2009 . My grandfather has less than a year and my uncle has less than three months. I am  sapose to be going to san francisco for culinary art school in  the new school year and my mothers wifes daughter is trying to split them up even though my mother is having a hard time dealing with loosing two people she loves dearly. This is way too much to handle for only being the fourth month in the year.

Im breaking..........

    Thoes of you on my friends list who feel like you might want to e-mail me send me a message asking for my e-mail address and I will be happy send it to you.

  I was talking to my 37 year old sister and some how we got on the topic of weddings. She mentioned to me that there are 3 things she is afraid of when she gets married . I asked my sis what these 3 things were and she tells me child birth , sex and giving head. After I herd this I could only laugh because this confirmed how diffrent my sister and I really are. My sister is a 37 year old virgin who thinks drinking any kind of alcohol is a sin , she is a bit introverted (but not with me , with me she is crazy) , she is very anal about organization and her work and she doesnt go out that much.She is also very business oriented. I on the other hand am a 19 year old non virgin who likes her grey goose every now and again , I am pretty out going and I am also pretty relaxed most of the time but not to the point where I dont care about things. I also have inherited the creative genes in the family and am the artsy coffee shop ,  writer type (even though my spelling sux . Hoora for spell check). The funny thing is my sister and I  get along so well , she is like my best friend but only i just dont tell her that I have done things that would disgust her , shock her  , and make her blush. I guess its that birth order thing coming into play , the second born child is always the wilder of the two.

         So I am doing a reaserh paper on Sex roles in my written comm class and my introducton includes a little  Anecdote about my life. So I thought I would share it with you .

Growing up my mother always taught me that education is very important and that it’s an important tool that I ill need for the rest of my life. My father encouraged me to get an education but it was not something that we talked about very much. As I got older and started dating my father took it upon himself to have what he though was a very important conversation. My father told me that having an education was important but that I also need to really learn how to keep a clean house and cook all kinds of meals. I told my father I already knew how to do these things and following that I asked myself why this was important. My father proceeded to tell me that when I finished school and found myself a husband that I would need to make sure the house was clean every day and that my husband had breakfast waiting when he woke up and dinner ready when he came home every day after work. I sat there is silence and thought about what my father had said to me and decided not to take it to heart, after all its 2008 and I’m not June Cleaver. 


        Needless to say my dad is an old school southern man who still thinks June Cleave is the modle wife , and my mom is a former teacher and a feminist . Needless to say they are not together any more because my mom decided that men were not her thing any more if you know what I mean.

Tell me about your Parents and families.

   So today is not only April Fools Day but it is also my 6th month anniversery with my boyfriend Shawn!! I just got done taking a Psych test and now I get to go home and the rest of the day is mine. I am only looking for a happy anniversery phone call from my baby today because we have plans for thursday!! Plus its his friends b-day today and the guys are going out ot the bar. Excited for Thursday!! ( I'm gunna get some luvin. Wink wink.)

    As you can see I added a pic ( so i wouldnt be the faces blog chick) and the girl in the grey sweater is me !! Cute huh ?? Ha Ha yeah that was a not funny joke.

       The issues with only seeing my boyfriend once a week has subsided for now. Tommorow is our sixth month anniversery. I am beyonde excited , but due to our busy schedules we have to put off our time together untill Thursday. We will probably have dinner and than some desert that doesnt require a spoon but a bed.
As for other things in my life Im just ready to let go this mess and start fresh. My relationship with my mother is shit due to the fact that she constantly pushed me off on other my sister  , my sis and I are close she is my sis/mom. There is a great age difference of seventeen years  between us but you really cant tell. My dad  , I love my dad but he married a bitch (my step mom) , who just sucks up his money all the time and uses her non-progressive store as an excuse not to get a real job like the rest of the working population. Everything seems so mundane these days so im looking for a change of senery , I'm thinking San Fransisco. Dont think I will do it ?? Well you will see.

   Do other people ever read and comment on these things? What the hell??

  How do you deal when life gives you lemons. Some would make lemonaid but others would just sit there thinking what the fuck am I sapose to do with some god damn lemons. Here is a little story from my life. I fell hard for a guy , unexpectedly. We have been going together for almost 6 months , and we had our little ups and downs but overall its been great. His mom aproves of me and his friends like me (at least I think they do , they are always nice to me when I am around and we have fun ) . I think it is safe to say that we both have made positive contributuins to eachother lifes. Here is the thing he is a free 21 year old who is going to art school in california in july (Which is a whole other can of worms)  and I am 19 year old college student with a part time job and a dictator for a mother who only lets me see him once a week. This arrangement is getting to him and because its getting to him its getting to me too. The truth is if I cant fix this our relationship isnt going to last much longer. Its not like I havnt tried to fix it before. So there is my lemon , how the fuck am I sapose to make lemonaid.!! Why should I make lemonaid , who the hell does he think he is disrupting my life and bringing me lemons!!! God!! ..........

         The truth is I am happy he disrupted my life , this is the happiest I have been in a long time and I cant imagine going back to the way things were before he entered my life. I guess I need to make things work and happen and find that damn juicer.

If any one who desides to read this has any input or comments feel free