I just finished my final for English!! I am very happy right now and I only have 2 more to go. I am almost at the finish line. !!! 
I'm getting closer and closer to the finishline.

 Thanks for the encouragement Tin Man.

   Sooo...... It’s been really interesting laity I find myself interested in new things and new people. I have a new friend and enjoy their conversation, but things are just getting started. I’m excited that school is almost done with. I will finally be able to go out again and really let loose.

I am supposed to go out with my best friend Anita, my friend Ryan, and my Ex because we are friends. I have been getting suggestions about how to satisfy my sexual appetite minus the guy. Well I gotta say it’s not the same. But we will have to see and try some alternatives...
Well I am on my way to a final, wish me luck.

Like most people I have a dark side, the thing about me is I have a grand appetite for sex. This is the thing I discovered with my Ex. It was something that I always tried to ignore and I thought that once I did it the constant urge would go away it never did it just got stronger.

I am currently ok with being single it’s not bad at all but the hard part is missing and wanting that physical affection and attention. Tomorrow will be Tuesday which means that it will have been a week since the grand rendezvous I had with my Ex. If I was not busy and had the time I can assure that a week would not have passed in between sexual meals. I am not quite sure what will happen tomorrow.

He knows me and my appetite, and if I know him he will surly try to claim to want to "hang out" and that. That just hanging out as friends will only last for a moment until he starts to stir up a resting longing.

I am not usually the type of girl who just sleeps with a guy without commitment and it’s getting harder and harder to not become that type when neither he nor I want to let go even though we both know it would better for me, and he would have a great loss.

It’s getting down to the wire and if I don’t take action I will miss my window of opportunity to make clear my plans and demands. 

 I saw Matt on Wednesday and didn’t get up the courage to ask him out for coffee and for that, I am currently kicking myself. 

Besides the fact that I didn’t get the courage to ask Matt out for coffee there is another reason why I did not ask him.

On Tuesday, I received a phone call from my Ex, we talked for a bit, and then he asked me if I wanted to hang out. I said sure. We had not seen each other for over a month and we agreed that it would be nice to see each other and just hang out as friends. 

About two hours later, we are sitting outside on the deck hanging out and talking. ( I made sure I looked hot but did not shave the leg stubble I had to help me refrain from any intimate activities just in case the opportunity presented it self) It started out weird He put his hand on my knee and then quickly pulled back realizing what he had just done. He apologized and explained that he had forgotten that that was not appropriate at that time since we were not together any more. I just laughed and said it was ok, and explained that knee touching was ok. At some point, I gave him a hug and later found him asking me for two more within 15 min. the last hug I gave him resulted in a kiss. A kiss that oozed longing from both ends.

Shortly after the kiss, we go inside and he decides that he wants to watch a movie. A Movie indeed. We watched the movies for about 10 minutes before we were all over each other. The opportunity presented itself and I said, “I don’t know I haven’t shaved since Saturday and have a bit of stubble. After I said this he proceeded to rub my legs and said that’s nothing and I really don’t care about that I just want you...

10 minutes later I found myself in the throws passion with my ex. It was the best sex we had ever had, it was more unguarded and animalistic. It was great. We finished and got dressed, finished the rest of the movie, cuddled and talked.

I am still feeling the after math of Tuesday a little bit in my thighs, hips, lower stomach muscles and for some odd reason my left arm.

Over all the night was really good but now the fact that that happened mucked up things and is making it harder to figure things out.

I'm young and stupid. I just couldn’t say no. I’m not sure what is next but all I know is that I guess I am going to have to learn the hard way.

So much for boyfriend rehab.

    O wow the process of getting my financial aid for school is kicking my ass they ask for so much and the process is so long. !! I’m surprised they have not yet asked for my first-born child. Lol


 Sooo... A couple of days ago my ex called me and talked for an hour and a half. It was actually a nice conversation. We both agreed to just be friends and to see how everything goes. He knows damn well, what he did and the mistakes he made. He knows that he could have been better; he knows he hurt me and that he made a mistake. I think he also knows that he will not find someone who will be as supportive , kind , giving  , and loving like I was towards him and if he does that’s great but I’m the one brought him out , built him up , and got him back on track with his future. (He would not let me help with his bad habits though He misses me and asked to see me this weekend. We will see how this goes and what happens.

P.s I love the fact that his friends gave him shit for loosing me , they told him that he probably would never find anyone else like me!!!

   I finally did it, I finally was able to get my ass out of bed and take a walk early this morning !! The hard part now is making early morning walks a healthy daily and weekly habit. It will be a challenge but one that I am so willing to take on!!

I am happy that I am finally finding my way , there are going to still be allot of struggles but I know for sure that I will be better equip to deal with them and take them on.!!

I talked to my Ex last night!

That story will be for another time

      I got the results back from my entrance exam and I passed!!! I am fully enrolled in the California culinary Academy!! I am so excited. I leave in early August and my first class is on august 18th!!

I still have not yet managed to get out of bed early enough to take an early morning walk but I’m going to give it another try tomorrow morning because I will get it. I have to because it’s going to be good for me in the long run. 

   To the very nice and supportive young women who give me advice and comment on my blog and give words of encouragement I thank you so very much and hope that you continue to keep up with my blog and give words of support.


Thank you,

-Amber

I am admitting that I have a problem. I dated a person we were together for just over 6 months and I decided to break up with him because he didn’t know what he wanted. It was my first relationship and it held allot of firsts for me. The person was not exactly the best person for me, he had habits I didn’t approve of and did things that pissed me off but was very sweet when he wanted to be. What his friends thought of him was more important to him than our relationship. After I broke up with him, I felt horrible and wanted to take it back because I didn’t think I was going to be able to get anyone else better later. That is my problem and I am putting myself through rehab. (Boyfriend rehab)

I am making a list of things to occupy my new free time. (rehab activities)

1) Read books from my book list
2)Take my chubby ass for a walk and exercise more
3)Star working on writing my book again
4)Focus more on school and my goals
5)find a new job
6)Take time to love myself more 

I have a problem . I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I do, I don’t love myself as much as I should. As a result, I lower my standards and take less than what I deserve. I Amber D W vow to fix this. I promise to always move forward and never look back.

As you know, I broke up with my boyfriend last week. It’s been up and down with him since then. We promised to be friends and that was put into question earlier because he said he wasn’t sure if he could do it. Nevertheless, we settled it and we are going to be friends. the thing is I want to get back with him really badly but I think it’s because I miss the physical attention  , the cuddling , the making out , the way he could caress me , the sex. I miss it all. I am not sure if I miss our whole relationship though. We are suppose to talk about getting back together but part of me is so mad at him for not making the effort the first time that I am not sure if he can do better the second time. I am not even sure if I want a second time. I think about him constantly, about the good, the bad, what could have been done better and so on. I just don’t know what to do..... I am confused and somewhat scared of what might happen the second time.


Help!!!!!!!!!

My uncles Funeral on Saturday was absolutely beautiful I never knew he has accomplished too many things and had done so much for so many people. My uncle was a social worker and did allot for his church. It was just wonderful. I’m feeling better about the fact that he has passed and know he lived a good life....

 On to another topic things with my ex boyfriend are going well. We have been talking and we decided that we were going to be friends, because when we were together that’s what we promised we would do no matter what. We are supposed to see each other this week. We are both a little nervous about it though, he admitted to no knowing how he was going to greet me if he was going to shake my hand or what. lol I told him that the least he can do is hug me. He admitted to missing me allot and constantly thinking about me, he apologized for being a dick and for bringing up the threesome idea which he claimed was a joke. (Raising an eyebrow). He called yesterday and we talked for a while it was a good progressive conversation for our new friendship; at the end when we both had to go he didn’t fail to tell me he loved me. I am not sure if he was consciously saying it or if it was a reflex from when we were still together. There is chance we might get back together but he really has to prove himself to me for me to say yes so being friends is a good way to prove that to me.

On the other hand if my ex-boyfriend decides that he does not want to change his ways there is someone else I have my eyes on , he is a delicious 6'4 man who is a good friend of my family ( he is my mothers oldest friends son) who I saw again for the first time in years . We sat and talked and he is everything I want physically but I have yet to find out more about him. Did I also mention that he is eight years my senior..... He is 28 and I am 19. O well age is just a number and I am almost 20 years old any ways.